1) describe what this weblog is about and how complicated my life is as a young individual,
2) explain why I chose to start a weblog when I really am a busy young individual whose life just happens to be rather extraordinarily lousy,
3) gives excuses for the disposal of previous weblogs and
4) provide a disclaimer on how I am actually really popular and do have friends but this weblog allows me to express myself in ways that I can't really do with my 4959029840958 cool friends.
The answers below are in order of objectives listed above:
4) That's not true. I don't have friends.